Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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