i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
