5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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