Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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