No stitches, just platelets and will power
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
