Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
