Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
