i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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