u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am one with the molecules
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize