I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
