AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
