By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
