You just made me feel so damn special
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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