Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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