Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
