I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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