SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
