super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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