Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
