WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize