id be glad to
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
