i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
