Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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