Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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