I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
vagina is talking i cant
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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