peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
