My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
