Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
