he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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