He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
