i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
