I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
