I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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