i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
