Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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