dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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