I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
