Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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