ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
