he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
