Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
