After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
