We named our party play list daddy issues
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
