Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
