it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
