i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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