I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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