Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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