SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
