I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Randomize
