Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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