I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
