You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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