you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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