i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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