also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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