I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
where are my eyebrows?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
