Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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