I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
