You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
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