Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
