Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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