I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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