Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
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