Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
