Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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