i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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