You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
